Friday, October 10th, 2008
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11:22 am
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how is it possible that megan fox is so perfect in every way? It's just not fair
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
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12:35 pm - time is flying
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so its been like 6 months since i finished school. I'm so sad to be done still i wish i could go back and do it ALL again. Im working at a spa and i dont like it i would love to quit.im pretty sure that i will soon enough. i'm watching what not to wear and i have to go to work at 4 oclock. I so dont wasnt to like really. I hope that i have a great day there and on saturday thankfully too. I want it to be christmas and new years already I love christmas it makes me feel so happy its the only time of the whole year that i feel truly happy. But i dont want to be working at the spa i wanna for sure quit by before christmas. and just work for zdeno. Other then that i moved out with frank in August. which is okay. im not really eating well or caring about my weight i just feel like i dont have the energy but i have to start dealing with that again i dont even know what the fuck im gonna eat before work. i guess shrimp thats all i can really think of. allright thats all i have to say for now ill update later. thats it for now
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, March 15th, 2007
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8:27 pm
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Please God watch over me tommorow...its here again and im soo nervous again!! i just wish that tommorow will be a good day a reeallly reallly great amazing day and that it will pass by very fast and that it wont be busy at all:) that would make me so happy:) please god help me and watch over me
thats all
for now
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, January 14th, 2007
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9:32 pm
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9:30 pm
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original post-http://community.livejournal.com/guessmyheritage/162997.html#cutid1
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(comment on this)
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9:19 pm
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Saturday, January 13th, 2007
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4:05 pm
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Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
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3:02 pm
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2:55 pm
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Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
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8:14 pm
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TUESDAY DECEMBER 12 2006
i am sick and it sucks but i have somewhat lost my appetite so that is one good thing ..today iv haved
one toast
chicken soup
one orange
chicken soup
one orange
so thats not so bad if i could keep this up untill sat morning im sure i would be like 116lbs THAT WOULD BE FUCKING AMAZING i would only have five more pounds till my goal for new years aaaaaah i would be so happy since i only have like 18 more days till new years omg..thats scary o man if i could have a day like this one for 18 more days i bet id be like fucking 105lbs but i dont wanna push myself that much cuz id just feel like shit and regain it soo fast so 111lbs for new years will just have to do..i plan to tan so maybe ill look like im about 108lbs atleast i hope so...im really really craving coffee right now..i hope these ppl leave so i can make one or im gonna die..i dont wanna study before i have coffee...tommorow my plan is
one toast
can of tuna
one orange
and prob two cups of cups of coffee to gimmie energy
anyway thats it for now i should work out too for a bit
I MUST MUST BE 111LBS FOR NEW YEARS I HAVE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ID BE SOO FUCKING PROUD OF MEEE!!
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
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11:16 pm
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WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 29
fuck i feel like shit like complete fucking shit!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like such a bad person i swear i hate myself right now i just wanna go home to my baby and have sex till i cant take it anymore and feel loved like i deserve it...why do i create sooo many problems for myself honestly????? im crazzy i hate it.
and whats worse is that im already making myself sooo nervous about tommorow i hat e it...i just hope that nothing bad happens tommorow and i have a really really good day. I also really hope that its completely dead tommorow i just pray to God for a good day tommorow cuz i honestly really need it right now i need to feel like i can actually do something right for a change. I just need to feel good. really really good about myself and in general. I dont even wanna discuss weight cuz thats a whole nother problem right now i just want tommorow to be an absolutely FABULOUS day like just somehow really really great...and not busy:)!hehe....oooo im so anxious
anyway 2 more weeks of school left
i pray to God for a good day tommorow
please be with me
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(comment on this)
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Monday, November 27th, 2006
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10:38 am
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MONDAY NOVEMBER 27
well i have decided that one thing is clear. I will never lose weight if i dont obsess about it every minute of every day,keep myself updated on what exactly im eating and my exercising. It just makes me more aware. And so i am back on here and im going to update regularly everyday again.I have a new goal in my head. That is to be atleast 108lbs for new years. Right now im like 120-122lbs.
Its like 9 15 and so far ive had black coffee with a bit of milk and like 5 raisins. I dont know what i should eat. its making me anxious to even think about it . i feel like i should just fast not eat anything at all.But i also know that, that doesnt ever work for me.uggh i just dont know what to eat.
I dont have a plan for this week, but i want to get to atleast 118lb for friday for the christmas party. Then i was thinking starting Dec.2 Saturday..I'll officially start really hardcore restricting till Dec. 23..which by then im hoping to be 110lbs..and somehow lose 2 more lbs by new years. Anyway it will be kinda hard to start restricting hardcore on sat since its the weekend but i will just eat minimum of whatever we're having and also NO MORE FUCKING JUNK FOOD...ok i obviously cannot be in the room when frank is eating chips and all that shit cuz i always end up giving in and I CANT..FUCK I HAVE TO BE THIN THIS IS RIDICULOUS UGGGGGGGGGHHHHH...i want frank to be in shock of how thin i can get..omg that would be the best feeling ever EVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR
i dont no what i should eat today but i should make a plan cuz not having one makes me FUCK UP i have to stop fucking up it suckskkkkks being fat is a bitch!
ok im gonna have one tangering for bf and later im gonna have tuna
bf-1 tangerine
lunch-tuna with mayo(1tbs)
snack- pomegranate?
snack2-cucumber?
oook well i wish myself luck and strength.....and atleast 118 by friday:)
thats it for now..ill update again tommorow for sure
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
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10:04 pm
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ugggh nervous feeling agaih its starting again this sucks o pleassse god let tommorow be as good a day as last week was i need help and i need to have u looking over me im so scared and i hate this feeling..............please help me be stronger..........please:) i pray to u for help..
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
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12:15 am
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ugh man i feel so scared and nervous and tommorow in the morning im gonna feel even worse!!!!! why do i have to get like this why?????????
i wish i would feel good tommorow i hope and pray that tommorow is a really really good happy day...i dont want anything bad to happen and i just want the day to be really good..please god let it be good....
o man im gonna feel really sick
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(comment on this)
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Friday, October 27th, 2006
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12:44 pm
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just wanted to quickly update....i did the master cleanse for 4 and 1/2 days...but I quit cuz i had to work...
i got down to 115 if i had stayed by today i probably would have been like 108lbs but instead i am 118....how sexxy.
i dont want to go back up im terrified
i want to gooo DOOOOOOOOWN
i need to make it to 110
this is actually getting pretty funny ....i mean u would think if this means sooo much to me...i could really get to 110 in like 2 weeks 2 and a half tops...but in two and a half weeks i will probably weigh like 19435939394lbs
o boy
the end.
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(comment on this)
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Friday, October 6th, 2006
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2:06 pm
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well im just sitting here listening to an old song that i have missed dearly"drinking in LA"
im wasting time till my eye app...i swear i feel like im waiting for a fucking death sentence like they're gonna tell me that im gonna be blind...fuck im so scared so cold and nervous.
Eating is still the same i eat shit feel like shit for it and look it .
I am fat
and now with my period im even fatter
HUGE fat cow...my stomach hangs over my jeans , my hips are huge my ass couldnt be bigger my arms my face wow who would believe that 5.5lbs could be so fucking noticeable. i hate this i hate being fat and feeling exactly the way i feel right now and my eye feels funny and i feel fat and ugly i dont like myself very much i dont belong in this huge body I DONT WANNA CONTINUE WITH THIS BODY...if i had a nice thin fit body i would like life..but im so fat and i cant believe that im just letting it go on like this ..i just have lost my energy to care right now hopefully ill get it back soon cuz im tired fat and ugly...and i know everyones noticed that i have gained major weight uuuugh fuck EVERYONE KNOWS IM FAT!!!!!!!!!!!
and im so cold!!
absolutely nothing that day..........................aaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaa
we did nothing absolutely butt kiss that day.........why cant i STOP EATTTTING
man even my hair hurts
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, September 14th, 2006
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11:31 am
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I AM WHAT?????
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! FAT FAT FAT FAT FAAAAT
i have gained like 5pounds and im too pathetic to lose them....
someone has said to me that im wasting away LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL....yea after i gained 5 pounds what....the ....fuck???....is wrong with these people?????
fuck shit im so fucking fat all i feeel is fat all i can think about is fat fatttttttttttttt BITCH!!!.................................fdhoi fFUCK:((((((((
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, August 26th, 2006
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12:27 pm
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this is simply ridicullous...ok i just got back from work..i was so excited to make myself oatmeal with walnuts and raisns and some coffee to go with...i came home had a nice relaxing shower.still must wash my ugly hair. Anyway on to the point so i made the oatmeal..ate half a danish while i was wating for it to cook..o gawd. So i put a few walnuts and raisns in ,,lots of honey and sat down to eat it...i ate and ate till i got to about half where it started to look really sick ...food is sick..so fucking gross..yet a moment later something else will look so good i dont get it nore do i really want to anyway...so i ended up throwing the rest into a plastic bag putting some kleenex on top and putting in the garbage before my mom came upstaires to see it..and i feel pretty fat right now...IM like 117 118lbs.Yesterday frank asked how much i weigh now..i told him and asked y he wanted to know??? he said no reason im sure he's noticed that ive gained he must think im sooo fat .well i am so i guess he's got accurate vision. i honestly just want this day to be over right now so i cannot eat anything more. eating makes me sick and yet i STILL DO IT...ppl arnet even asking about my weight or eating my freind hasnt said anyting oh fuck thats just reassurance that i have gained that makes me so angry it just makes me realize also how much more i need to lose..this is stupid i dont want to be fat..i know the way i wanna lose weight is stupid everythinng is stupid but what does it matter anymore ...i mean really?? ive been like this thinking like this for soo long now i dont even know what is normal anymore ....i consider my behaviour towards food and what i eat the way i obsess about my wieght so normal that i think others are "wierd" and certainly not me...i am normal all these things i do are normal ...its complete normalacy...to me really and the more i realize that..it kind of freaks me out and makes me realize how this is just a way of life for me. and i dont think i can do much about it. also i have to update more often again i think i will once i go baack to school in Sep. i want to spend more time alone..secluded isolated...lonely..and starving....but then theres another me that wants to explore go out have fun meet so many new people eat junk not give a fuck but fuck i cant do that ....sticking to what i know is much easier....but for now thats it.
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, August 12th, 2006
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8:04 pm
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FUCK IM GAINING FUUUUUUUCK NO NO I CANNOT LET THIS HAPPEN NOOOO FUCK...i have to stop eating i keep telling myself i will stop but then i go and EVEN MORE shit what the fuck is my problem??? i cant even go out or do anything its soo fucking noticeable that im fatter ///everyone will say shit about it EVERYONE FUCK im so weak soooo fucking weak ...and i feel fatter then i have in a loooooooong time
why am i beng soo weak?? where is all my self control this is such bullshit I NEED TO BE 110!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o gawd i just feeel SO HUGE SOOOOOOO FATTTTTTTTTT
STOP EATING FAT BITCH STTTTTTTTOOOP!!!!!!
current mood:  aggravated
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(comment on this)
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Friday, August 4th, 2006
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9:06 pm
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wow i really am fucking retarded...
114lbs on a friday night
hopefull 112 tommorow morning...atleast something
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(comment on this)
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